17. Rocket Science

(Previously sent to friends as a “Happy Friday” email on 5/18/12.)

It’s been a busy week as I continue to lead a useful and productive life in retirement … which I’m beginning to think is overrated since I’m growing tired of the responsible pacing that I hadn’t really counted on.  The reason I’ve been busy is because I had the last session of my yard-art welding class and my project was due.  I didn’t know when I signed up that it was pass/fail; and to pass, you have to show up, and you’re required to actually COMPLETE a project.  Go figure.  Well, I showed up every time, but I wasn’t particularly prolific compared to the other students who were doing a bunch of smaller projects during our 10 sessions at SCC.  More than half the class was made up of women, and they generally focused on flowers … and fencing and the occasional eagle, an arbor, and something with chains and barbed wire that made me a little nervous. Horse shoes and table spoons were also popular materials, but esthetically, they didn’t work well together if you ask me.  Mostly, the guys went with insects.  They weren’t your average crawling pests, but rather each was characterized as stinging, biting, avenging, or in some other way, menacing creatures … except for the goliath ant that my pal Brad made out of three 8-pound steel balls. He quickly convinced me of its inherent fear factor by threatened to throw it at me, antennae-end first.  I’m learning to keep reviews to myself around sensitive artist types.

My plans were for an industrial era Flash Gordon-style rocket ship made of heavy-gauge steel … that I discovered was much too thick and hard to work with … but they don’t like returns at the steel store after you’ve cut it all to pieces with a torch … and, in the event of a confrontation, these guys sized-up in the Real Burly category … so I was stuck and just had to deal with it.  But, the cool thing about welding is that you start with bare metal, and using high-voltage electricity, piercing flames, and metal-grinding wheels, you spark away about half the original mass until you’re left with a shape that suits you … or doesn’t, but that’s alright since you got to watch fireworks the whole time.  It’s a win-win experience as I see it, particularly if you’re kind of a pyro at heart, and you don’t really count on the final product working out anyway.  However, I needed to complete at least one REAL project, or I’d fail.  And that just wouldn’t look good on my transcripts for the next time I apply for a job …HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that’s a joke.  For those of you who are still working: I’m retired.

Okay, I’ll admit I wouldn’t want to fail … just because ... on principle ... or whatever.  And, I gotta tell you, it’s difficult to do welding well.  Making metal stick together -- like I do -- is easy.  Making consistently clean welds isn’t.  So, I was coming right down to the final days of putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and hoping it would work out as planned.  I did a lot of homework sanding using a power grinder in my little basement shop … and set off the smoke alarm in the next room.  Honest.  The good thing is that the system worked; the bad part is that it triggers all the alarms in the house, even if it’s 10:30 at night … and your wife is sound asleep.  I really don’t want to talk about it anymore though, because it’s been discussed quite enough already, and there’s been a big lesson learned here … a reeealy BIG lesson.  So, the next day I went over to my pal Brad’s house so I could borrow his welder … and a Corona, which wasn’t covered during the safety lecture in the first session, so I figure it was okay … you know, for artistic creativity, like Hemingway or Fitzgerald might have done … and remembering that, with authors, the pen is mightier than the sword -- and probably an arc welder – so I decided I was safe having a cold one for incidental inspiration on a hot afternoon.

Well, I finished it up just before class by gluing little glass pieces in the window holes, wiring up lights inside and a flicker flame bulb on the tail, and adding a ’63 VW Beetle turn signal that I bought on eBay.  

Sparks and flames

Then, I scribbled a few graphics on the side this morning … for authenticity.

It's the real thing

Now, although I’m kind of surprised and proud of how the Space Cruiser turned out, I have to say that my real creative passion was for making jewelry … FINE jewelry, designed especially for Mary.  You see, she just deserves it for being who she is.  Sometimes our friends call her “Poor Mary” when they see her with me, and I think that’s just not fair.  Apparently, they haven’t seen her wearing the exquisite new necklace that I made, or else they’d be calling her “Lucky Mary.” 

Artisan at Work

Detailed Craftsmanship

   
And, I’m hoping that she will allow me to get even BETTER at my craft by letting me buy my very own arc welder like ALL my friends’ wives have let them … for example: my pal Brad.  Yes, “Lucky and GENEROUS Mary” … kinda has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

So, there you have it.  If anybody happens to ask you how I’m doing, just tell them I hope to continue making refined contemporary jewelry … and keeping my mind occupied doing Rocket Science.

L. “Sparky” Haymond

Classified Extraterrestrial Division

Northrop Corp.