14. Continuing to Lead a Useful Life

(Previously sent to friends as a “Happy Friday” email on 4/13/12.)

I’d like to give you an update on how I’m doing in retirement:  quite well, according to the Government of the United States.  In fact, so well, that they’re giving me a raise.  That’s right, I recently received a 3% increase in my Social Security payments. Now, some naysayers may allude that it’s simply a cost-of-living increase.  But obviously, these folks aren’t retirees working hard at their vocation. Yes, this is definitely a raise.

Now, Mary doesn’t have an opportunity to see me honing my skills at home each day, since she’s … “at work.” Perhaps this explains why she, too, seems to be questioning the validity of my recent pay increase.  Fortunately, spring break provided us “quality time” together for nine full days.  We had a wonderful visit with friends in San Francisco.  We ventured out on trolley cars, ate at neighborhood restaurants, and rode a tandem bike along the wharf and over the Golden Gate Bridge to points north. While on our way to have lunch with friends, we heard a commotion outside the City Hall building. Always interested in a little excitement, we decided to go over and sniff around.
 

Commotion at City Hall

Just sniffing around

Then, it was back to Spokane for the remaining days of vacation … well, Mary’s vacation. Spending so much time home alone this year has made me realize how much I need someone around to practice my cynicism, irreverence, and general annoyance.  You see, I’ve been getting kind of rusty at these favorite past times and was beginning to worry that I might be losing my edge.  But, thanks to Mary, spring break was very rejuvenating for me.  She’s back at work now. And, although I miss the quality time with her, I can’t say that I miss her death threats.

I’ve just started a new session of classes from the Community Colleges’ Continuing Ed Program.  Last time, I took Step Aerobics and Tai Chi which I really enjoyed … except for the sweating and body coordination aspects. This session, I’m taking Step, Zumba, Yoga, and Yard Art Welding.  The one thing Mary insisted when I retired was that I work out more often so I would stay healthier … at least physically. 

Going to the initial class in each course is always a bit nerve-wracking … anticipating what to wear.  I lucked out with the Step class because several other guys were taking it, and we all showed up in t-shirts, shorts, and sneaks.  Zumba was another matter since I figured the dress code would be Lycra in electric colors.  Turns out, I’m the only guy taking it, so I just opted for a t-shirt, shorts, and sneaks.  I arrive early in order to claim my personal space in the back corner of the room.  I’m less conspicuous there when our instructor tells us to “shake that thing” and do a “belly-dance kind of move.”  I gotta be honest here … this stuff doesn’t come naturally to me. So, at the end of the first class, I went directly to her and said, “Carol, just so you know, I wasn’t seizuring back there … that’s just me doing the Zumba. No need to be calling 9-1-1. You see, I’m more of a classical dancer really … and it’s hard to adjust from what I learned at Juilliard.”

Mary went shopping with me to find some yoga pants at Sports Authority last week. Actually, we were already there looking at seasonal sports clothes for the grandkids; so officially, this would have to count as my Easter outfit. I was envisioning something like David Carradine wore when doing Kung Fu smack downs … while seeking inner peace.  You know the look:  loose fitting, natural fibers, earth tones … something that would go well with wool socks and Birkenstocks.  When I couldn’t find anything like that, Mary -- without checking with me – asked a sales associate where we could find a “man’s yoga outfit” … which was immediately broadcast over the loudspeakers for all the jock-types to hear … kinda like what would happen in a drug store if you quietly asked for a stool softener.  Fortunately, the message came back, “We don’t carry those” instead of “Has he tried the granola store?”  I ended up going to class wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and sneaks.  That was just fine since the classroom was only illuminated by incidental light filtered through some nice homemade curtains … and she was teaching us nonjudgmentalism using a soft, calming voice in an environment of unconditional acceptance … where you hold these yoga “poses” WAY too long making your muscles really burn … which was bothering my inner peace … but somehow I didn’t feel accepted enough to come right out and say that. I’m happy to report, though, that the class isn’t turning out to be quite as transcendental as I’d feared … as evidenced by our instructor calling me by my first name rather than “Grasshopper” or “Albino Legs.”

The lead-up to Yard Art Welding was easy since the catalog spelled out the dress code: long-sleeve cotton shirt, levies, and leather shoes that cover your ankles.  I can do the traditional logger look … although I did stash a t-shirt, short pants, and sneaks in the car, just in case. Our course assignment is to draw a plan for a piece of yard art and then build it.  Right away, I had this great idea to weld a life-size nude.  I don’t know where I get with this kind of creativity … it’s just a gift, I guess.  I figured I’d need to hire a professional model, which would be worth it to keep my mind active as I approach the second half of middle age.  Use it or lose it.  Now, my initial attraction to welding was that it makes A LOT of really neat sparks.  But then I realized that they also create a serious downside: the model would have to station herself some distance away from the artist and his work.  And, to complicate matters more, you have to wear this welding hood with a dark-glass shield to protect your eyes … and obstruct your view of the model.  Even worse, we learned that, if you get distracted from focusing on all the sparks you’re making, things could quickly deteriorate into an emergency-room situation.  So I finally accepted that I’ll have to find my niche with less-interesting industrial subjects.  But, on the bright side, I know I’m going to feel good about using my new skills to give something back to society … the one that gave me a raise for doing meaningful work in retirement. And, it’ll prove to Mary that I can be productive and useful. In fact, I’ve been thinking about fusing a few pieces of her favorite jewelry to my massive scrap-iron creation … for an endearing personalized touch. She is going to be SO surprised when she sees it … and want to spend MUCH more quality time with me!  Yeah, for sure…. 

L. Haymond

Artist in the Rough