(Previously sent to friends as a “Happy
Friday” email on 5/11/12.)
The highlight of my week was meeting NBA basketball legend,
John Stockton. I was out for a bike ride
through Riverside State Park and had just finished carrying my heavy bike down
a long set of new stairs. They just finished building them, and I haven’t
gotten used to working on my upper body strength that you wouldn’t expect to be
working on when you’re just out riding your bike and minding your own business.
If I’d wanted to get that kind of exercise, I could have just stayed home and
used my weights in the basement like I do when Mary occasionally makes me dust
them. It used to be a lot easier to just
walk your bike down the steep, dished-out trail that leads to the suspension
bridge at Bowl and Pitcher … and risk sliding on the rocks that could have resulted
in a serious injury to your tail bone. But
they went ahead and built the steps anyway.
I always stop in the middle of the bridge for a drink from my
water bottle and to take in the spectacular views. The river is very high this time of year from
runoff, and you can feel the roar of the rapids just beneath your feet. I’ve gotten to know the area pretty well and
have noticed a patch of poison ivy growing near the railing at one end of the
bridge. I feel it’s my humanitarian duty
to caution folks when they go near. The park
service probably doesn’t mention it because it’s just part of nature … and, if
they warned about poison ivy, then visitors would expect the same for every
little thing that might bother them … like chipmunks getting into your potato chips,
even if they have a family history of heart disease … or that you sometimes
don’t get the correct change from the Pepsi vending machine which lights up the
night sky and obscures your view of the stars.
So when I see someone close to the poison ivy, I point out the three
shiny leaves drooping from the top of each stem and say that, if they did touch
it, all they’d have to do is wash off the affected area with liquid dish soap
within two hours. I learned this from an
issue of AARP Bulletin … along with
using Vick’s VapoRub to effectively treat toenail fungus, although I haven’t
found a good forum to bring this to people’s attention. Maybe I should just hang around locker rooms
more and check out guys’ feet, although Mary doesn’t agree with the idea for
some reason. I’d also tell people that I
feel a little guilty quoting the AARP since I’m kind of mad at them right now
for several of their big lobbying efforts in Washington D.C. that I disagree
with. Don’t get me started.
Anyway, I was taking a break in the middle of the bridge and
could tell someone was crossing because you can feel it in the foot boards. I looked up as they neared and was pretty sure
it was John Stockton in a baseball cap along with a couple other people. Surprised, I just said, “Hi!” like I knew
him, and he kind of looked back as if he wondered whether he should know
me. “Beautiful day,” he said as he passed,
and I responded, “Yes. You’re John, right?”
He stopped and said, “Yeah.” I
told him, “I’m Lou Haymond; it’s a real pleasure to meet you!” and he shook my
hand … VERY firmly. Then he said,
“Thanks,” and they walked away. I waited
until they were all the way off the bridge before I pounced on my bike and
scurried home to tell Mary all about my new friend.
She was envious and wished she’d gone along even though
she’d just gotten home from her exercise class with the girls. I told her how John and I really connected,
probably because we had a lot in common.
She asked me what we could possibly have in common, and I was quick to admit
that it wasn’t basketball. (I’d tactfully refrained for telling him about my
days playing for the Monroe Elementary Mud Hens, because like most people, he probably
would have listened just long enough to give his companions a good head-start scattering
away from me. I don’t know why people do
that.) I knew I couldn’t tell her we
both had “boyish good looks,” because that one no longer amuses her in the
slightest. So, I decided to go with “We
both enjoy state parks … being outdoors … and breathing fresh air while
exercising,” although I didn’t share with her how I’d panted away going uphill on
my bike, and John just sped off in his shiny black Lexus with the windows
rolled up. And I told her how his
handshake was REALLY firm and I didn’t even grimace or say “ow.” “Yeah, John and I really connected
alright.” Then Mary asked if he
commented on my hulky rat-rod bike that had the “ZERO” license plate, an oxidation-and-rust
theme, and a blue Jaguar hood ornament with a plastic dinosaur in its mouth. (See pictures in Tour de Park posting.) I told her, “Mmm, well he didn’t comment
specifically about them, if that’s what you mean.” Then I started wondering if maybe he didn’t
see the humor in it … and maybe I should have ridden my newer bike from REI
that’s pretty snappy with bright green paint and a lot more gears. She pressed, “Well, did he seem kind of
nervous around you, Lou?” “Uhhh, not
really,” I replied, except I did remember that he drove away pretty fast for being
in a camping area with rangers around.
I told Mary that she was just jealous now that John and I
were tight. I’m looking forward to seeing
him again, although I don’t know when since we forgot to exchange phone numbers. Next time, it’ll be much better, because I
know exactly what I’m going to say: “YO,
John, my MAN! It’s Lou. Uhhh, Lou HAYMOND. You remember, Riverside State Park … suspension
bridge … you said, ‘Beautiful day,’ ‘Yeah,” and ‘Thanks,’ … and I’d just found this
really WEIRD old bike and was taking it to give to a charity for children. Hey, John … wait up! Say, did I tell you about poison ivy? Hey, c’mon, slow down! How about toenail fungus … so, do you happen
to have toenail fungus? YOO-HOO, MR.
STOCKTONNN!!!
L. Haymond
John’s Best Friend
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