2. Missions Accomplished

(Previously sent to friends as a “Happy Friday” email on 9/30/11.)

People have been asking what I’ve been doing in retirement.  I tell them specifically, “I keep myself busy … VERY busy!”  This is mostly because I’m in a probationary period right now to prove to Mary that I’m worthy of this vocation.  You see, she’s still working and feels I should be doing something worthwhile like helping out at home, even though – as I said – I AM retired. We finally compromised on a system using lists.  They’re written on a dry-erase board prominently displayed near the garage door where I can’t miss them.  They include:

1. Mary’s list of things I’m Supposed to do

2. My list of things I Hope to do

3. The list of things I actually do, which I call my Missions Accomplished list.)

For example, here’s yesterday’s list of accomplishments:

- Made my own breakfast

- Rode my bike for exercise

- Cleaned your refrigerator to make room for more beer

- Made my own lunch

- Buried a dead squirrel

- Thought seriously about doing another job from your list

- Watched the History Channel

Seven items total … pretty good day if you ask me.  Mary’s take, however, was a bit more subdued when she got home.  To her, there should more than a measly 9% overlap between her Supposed-to List and my Missions Accomplished List.  Taking her feedback to heart, I added “Perplex over list continuity” to my Hope-to List for today. Right away I can see that this will involve strenuous higher-level thinking and possibly self-reflection, which frankly, I find difficult since I’m really not that deep. The working public really doesn’t fully understand the pressures and complexities that go with retirement.

Well, it’s a new day, and I should start considering what I feel like doing.  I have “Go grocery shopping” on my Hope-to List, and I think I’m up for the challenge of making product choices and socializing in a generally acceptable manner using basic primate standards.  Mostly I go shopping for basic staples like beer, chips, jerky, mixed party nuts, fish sticks, and the required something-healthy-blah-blah-blah. Plus, some Ben & Jerry’s with assorted sprinkles to hit the dairy food group.  Sometimes I visit with other shoppers, and they ask me what I do.  I tell them I’m a Homemaker.  Mary considers this dishonest, however, since the term implies productively.  She thinks I should be using a more accurate title like “Stay-at-Home Husband.”  Fine. JUST fine.

Well, I need to get going since I’m on a pretty tight schedule again today. 

L. Haymond

House Trained

“Like Columbus, Shepard, and Spock before me, it's my turn to BOLDLY GO SOMEWHERE.  This afternoon, I’ve chosen Granny's Buffet for the Early Bird Special.  Uhhh … DANG!  Wish I could find my car keys….”   ~Anonymous AARP Member